How Ya Doing?

i think one of the hardest questions to answer right now is "how are you doing". there are so many responses:

cancerful!
bald!
ever see the pepto bismol commercials?


and of course, the standard answer: tired.

i am very, very tired. all the time.



i began losing hair last week, and noticed it first when i saw a sinkful of this:





thanks, i was using that. TO COVER MY HEAD WITH. this week, i lost some more and i'm left with two bald patches, both in the same spot on the opposite sides of my head:



and to top it off, this week i caught a cold from the little boogers i teach, who have been passing around this virus literally all year long amongst themselves. it makes me a little cranky because, you know, i'm supposed to be taking care of my health and all, and this really sucks. not only am i tired from radiation, i'm tired from a cold.

that's it. i'm wiping all of them down with lysol wipes.


also, i am allergic to the adhesive on band aids and medical tape. it makes for some good times:



they had ghetto-rigged an ace bandage for me, but it bugged me so much i decided just to deal with the bandaid burns. my stepmom bought me some aloe vera gel to use on it, so it's not so bad.

my dad has been really good with checking in with me to see how i'm feeling, and he's noticing things on his own. such as the fact that my appetite comes and goes, or he'll see when i'm tired and suggest i go lay down. little things that aren't pushy, but suggestive.

it's not so bad, i have this long weekend (woooooot! veterans day!) to recover from this cold and then it'll be a short week with the kiddos. then a normal weekend, then an EXTREMELY short week with the kiddos and then it's thanksgiving, followed by the festival of rahnaukkah.

because, you know, instead of one day of presents, i have eight crazy nights.

sometimes i feel really alone as i go through things, because as well meaning as people are, they can still say some hurtful things or notice things that don't make me feel too pretty ("is that a new bald spot?").

but i do have a great support system.

A List of Sorts...

things that were in my purse before radiation:

-wallet
-keys
-checkbook
-extra chapstick
-glucose tablets
-hair thingies
-big ol' pile of spare change

things that are in my purse post-radiation:

-all of the above
-pepto tablets
-tums
-band aids for the iv spot
-wee little bottle of listerine
-crystallized ginger
-peppermint teabags

i need a larger handbag...

Radiation, Ho!

today was my first day of radiation!

it really wasn't any big deal, i had already toured the clinic and met up with the doctor. i'm now an official part of the "lunch crew." we're all patients who are nowhere close to being critical or needing very much medical help, so they kind of hook us up and go eat lunch. ;p it's a little weird, but it's also nice not to be hovered over and have someone jab and prod you.

i sat down and told them where they could tap a vein easily, and they laughed and proceeded to screw it up 4 times before they finally got it. riiiight where i said they could. silly them.

they had a laptop i could rent, so i went online for a bit. the other people there seemed nice, but i was the new kid in the room so no one talked much. it seemed okay, though, everyone had brought something to keep them occupied and some were dozing.

so so far, my arm hurts a little and i'm feeling sluggish, but otherwise okay. i had pizza for dinner, though i wasn't able to eat much (just one half slice.)

i'm really thirsty, and have a tiny bit of a sour stomach. so far, not too bad.

and of course, all my hair is still here for now.

and i got the OK to get a new tattoo! as long as i get it fairly soon, before the treatment really starts to build, i should be fine. i'm getting a hot pink lady bug to honor one of my best friends, sheri, who died of ovarian cancer last wednesday. she always wanted one, so i'm going to get it FOR her.

thanks to everybody for your good thoughts....send cookies!

For My Fellow Cancer Chronies...

Now Ain't That About A Bitch...

Cervicitis Overview

Cervicitis, a common infection of the lower genital tract, is the inflammation of the cervix (this is the neck and outlet of a woman's uterus).

Inflammation may be caused by infection from certain sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or by injury to the cervix from a foreign object inserted in the vagina, from birth control devices such as the cervical cap or a diaphragm, or by cancer.

Many cases of cervicitis go untreated because women who have the infection do not know they do. Often there are no obvious symptoms.

You may have an allergy to contraceptive spermicides or to latex in condoms that leads to cervicitis.

uh, hi?? i'm allergic to nonoxynol-9!!

If untreated, cervicitis may lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, ectopic pregnancy, chronic pelvic pain, spontaneous abortion, cervical cancer, or other complications during the delivery of a baby.


okay. so, it's possible that since i tested negative for HPV, the cause of my cancer is chronic cervicitis, which i didn't even know i had. and the cause of the cervicitis could be nonoxynol-9.

just something that blew my mind a little.

Ketchup

...i like heinz.


i kid, i kid.

the harvesting last friday went really well! usually they get about 6 eggs total, but from beautiful, bountiful ME they got 20. ten from each side and could easily have gotten more.

the procedure itself wasn't that painful (except for my belly button). it was laproscopic, i was numbed with local shots and had a shield up so i couldn't see anything, and the whole shebang lasted about ten minutes. not bad!

i did have to pay through the nose for storage of my kidsicles. (i named one frosty.)

i've been really tired lately, i think having three procedures done in a matter of weeks has begun to catch up with me. i'm tired and achey and i'm tired of all the drama at work and with certain friends who feel i'm not contacting them enough.

sorry, i try my best, but i've got ENOUGH on my plate without having someone carry a running tally of how many text messages i've sent them. (this does not apply to erin or colleen, of course. :))

the follow up meeting was in fact with the butcher lady.

to start things off, she assured me that they had removed all the cancer and precancerous spots from my cervix. yay! *takes a brief moment to tear up a post it and use it as confetti.*

next, she confirmed that i would be needing radiation and that i would be meeting with that doctor right after her meeting.

finally, she APOLOGIZED. she did! she said she didn't realize that i had chronic cervicitis, and that therefore i was much more sensitive than the average woman.

i'm still insulted that she thought i was faking it originally, but i could tell that this was a woman who does not apologize easily. it doesn't make anything OKAY, by any standards, but i do appreciate the apology. i felt i was owed at LEAST that.

she explained that under normal circumstances, they would just reschedule me for a pap in a year's time. however, she explained that she's more conservative than most doctors and would like to see me again in april for a follow up pap, and again in october. if those come back normal, i can go back to yearly.

i'm going to be doing radiation at the fertility clinic that i am already familiar with, for an hour a week each wednesday. i begin on halloween and i am due to stop on december 19th.

Hey Cancer...

greetings to all!

as my appointment date nears, i get more and more nervous about it. it should be no big deal, but i guess this just confirms it and sets about a course of action that i know will be changing many aspects of my life.

and we all know how i just looooove change.

in the meantime, i'm trying to perfect a cancer mix cd that i can take with me to treatments and just generally annoy people with.

so far, i've got kanye west's "stronger" (n-that-that-that that don't kill me, will only make me stronger!). and helen reddy's "i am woman" because, hey, i am woman. and it's oddly and funnily empowering.

i also have donna summer's "macarthur park" because it's hilarious and it just keeps going forever, leaving me amused for at least 5 minutes.

i have yet to find any songs that say "cancer can suck it" or "cancer can lick balls." maybe i'm not looking hard enough...