today was my first day of radiation!
it really wasn't any big deal, i had already toured the clinic and met up with the doctor. i'm now an official part of the "lunch crew." we're all patients who are nowhere close to being critical or needing very much medical help, so they kind of hook us up and go eat lunch. ;p it's a little weird, but it's also nice not to be hovered over and have someone jab and prod you.
i sat down and told them where they could tap a vein easily, and they laughed and proceeded to screw it up 4 times before they finally got it. riiiight where i said they could. silly them.
they had a laptop i could rent, so i went online for a bit. the other people there seemed nice, but i was the new kid in the room so no one talked much. it seemed okay, though, everyone had brought something to keep them occupied and some were dozing.
so so far, my arm hurts a little and i'm feeling sluggish, but otherwise okay. i had pizza for dinner, though i wasn't able to eat much (just one half slice.)
i'm really thirsty, and have a tiny bit of a sour stomach. so far, not too bad.
and of course, all my hair is still here for now.
and i got the OK to get a new tattoo! as long as i get it fairly soon, before the treatment really starts to build, i should be fine. i'm getting a hot pink lady bug to honor one of my best friends, sheri, who died of ovarian cancer last wednesday. she always wanted one, so i'm going to get it FOR her.
thanks to everybody for your good thoughts....send cookies!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Now Ain't That About A Bitch...
Cervicitis Overview
Cervicitis, a common infection of the lower genital tract, is the inflammation of the cervix (this is the neck and outlet of a woman's uterus).
Inflammation may be caused by infection from certain sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or by injury to the cervix from a foreign object inserted in the vagina, from birth control devices such as the cervical cap or a diaphragm, or by cancer.
Many cases of cervicitis go untreated because women who have the infection do not know they do. Often there are no obvious symptoms.
You may have an allergy to contraceptive spermicides or to latex in condoms that leads to cervicitis.
uh, hi?? i'm allergic to nonoxynol-9!!
If untreated, cervicitis may lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, ectopic pregnancy, chronic pelvic pain, spontaneous abortion, cervical cancer, or other complications during the delivery of a baby.
okay. so, it's possible that since i tested negative for HPV, the cause of my cancer is chronic cervicitis, which i didn't even know i had. and the cause of the cervicitis could be nonoxynol-9.
just something that blew my mind a little.
Ketchup
...i like heinz.
i kid, i kid.
the harvesting last friday went really well! usually they get about 6 eggs total, but from beautiful, bountiful ME they got 20. ten from each side and could easily have gotten more.
the procedure itself wasn't that painful (except for my belly button). it was laproscopic, i was numbed with local shots and had a shield up so i couldn't see anything, and the whole shebang lasted about ten minutes. not bad!
i did have to pay through the nose for storage of my kidsicles. (i named one frosty.)
i've been really tired lately, i think having three procedures done in a matter of weeks has begun to catch up with me. i'm tired and achey and i'm tired of all the drama at work and with certain friends who feel i'm not contacting them enough.
sorry, i try my best, but i've got ENOUGH on my plate without having someone carry a running tally of how many text messages i've sent them. (this does not apply to erin or colleen, of course. :))
the follow up meeting was in fact with the butcher lady.
to start things off, she assured me that they had removed all the cancer and precancerous spots from my cervix. yay! *takes a brief moment to tear up a post it and use it as confetti.*
next, she confirmed that i would be needing radiation and that i would be meeting with that doctor right after her meeting.
finally, she APOLOGIZED. she did! she said she didn't realize that i had chronic cervicitis, and that therefore i was much more sensitive than the average woman.
i'm still insulted that she thought i was faking it originally, but i could tell that this was a woman who does not apologize easily. it doesn't make anything OKAY, by any standards, but i do appreciate the apology. i felt i was owed at LEAST that.
she explained that under normal circumstances, they would just reschedule me for a pap in a year's time. however, she explained that she's more conservative than most doctors and would like to see me again in april for a follow up pap, and again in october. if those come back normal, i can go back to yearly.
i'm going to be doing radiation at the fertility clinic that i am already familiar with, for an hour a week each wednesday. i begin on halloween and i am due to stop on december 19th.
i kid, i kid.
the harvesting last friday went really well! usually they get about 6 eggs total, but from beautiful, bountiful ME they got 20. ten from each side and could easily have gotten more.
the procedure itself wasn't that painful (except for my belly button). it was laproscopic, i was numbed with local shots and had a shield up so i couldn't see anything, and the whole shebang lasted about ten minutes. not bad!
i did have to pay through the nose for storage of my kidsicles. (i named one frosty.)
i've been really tired lately, i think having three procedures done in a matter of weeks has begun to catch up with me. i'm tired and achey and i'm tired of all the drama at work and with certain friends who feel i'm not contacting them enough.
sorry, i try my best, but i've got ENOUGH on my plate without having someone carry a running tally of how many text messages i've sent them. (this does not apply to erin or colleen, of course. :))
the follow up meeting was in fact with the butcher lady.
to start things off, she assured me that they had removed all the cancer and precancerous spots from my cervix. yay! *takes a brief moment to tear up a post it and use it as confetti.*
next, she confirmed that i would be needing radiation and that i would be meeting with that doctor right after her meeting.
finally, she APOLOGIZED. she did! she said she didn't realize that i had chronic cervicitis, and that therefore i was much more sensitive than the average woman.
i'm still insulted that she thought i was faking it originally, but i could tell that this was a woman who does not apologize easily. it doesn't make anything OKAY, by any standards, but i do appreciate the apology. i felt i was owed at LEAST that.
she explained that under normal circumstances, they would just reschedule me for a pap in a year's time. however, she explained that she's more conservative than most doctors and would like to see me again in april for a follow up pap, and again in october. if those come back normal, i can go back to yearly.
i'm going to be doing radiation at the fertility clinic that i am already familiar with, for an hour a week each wednesday. i begin on halloween and i am due to stop on december 19th.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Hey Cancer...
greetings to all!
as my appointment date nears, i get more and more nervous about it. it should be no big deal, but i guess this just confirms it and sets about a course of action that i know will be changing many aspects of my life.
and we all know how i just looooove change.
in the meantime, i'm trying to perfect a cancer mix cd that i can take with me to treatments and just generally annoy people with.
so far, i've got kanye west's "stronger" (n-that-that-that that don't kill me, will only make me stronger!). and helen reddy's "i am woman" because, hey, i am woman. and it's oddly and funnily empowering.
i also have donna summer's "macarthur park" because it's hilarious and it just keeps going forever, leaving me amused for at least 5 minutes.
i have yet to find any songs that say "cancer can suck it" or "cancer can lick balls." maybe i'm not looking hard enough...
Monday, October 15, 2007
For Those Who Want To Know...
and ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO DON'T!
...my cervix itches. this is weird.
that's all.
...my cervix itches. this is weird.
that's all.
I'm Almost Ripe For The Pickin'
last night around 8:30 i got a call from "the clinic" (okay, pretentious, i know you're planned parenthood, just say it!) and they said that with the way the tests are coming back, from the scrapings and the biopsies, it's looking more and more like i'm going to need radiation to knock those last few remaining cancer cells from my body and to make sure that it doesn't come back.
of course there's always the chance that it could.
anyhoo, so this morning, i jetted over to torrance memorial, and recieved a shot in the hip, filled with delicious hormones which will, in combination with my natural cycle, make me ever so fertile on friday.
after my meeting with the butcher, they'll go in laproscopically through my abdomen and...i dunno, steal some eggs? pick some eggs? put some eggs in the basket?
this way, SHOULD the radiation do wacky things to my cervix or any other part of my reproductive system, i'll still have the option of having my own kids.
and my mom and dad can have some grandsicles.
of course there's always the chance that it could.
anyhoo, so this morning, i jetted over to torrance memorial, and recieved a shot in the hip, filled with delicious hormones which will, in combination with my natural cycle, make me ever so fertile on friday.
after my meeting with the butcher, they'll go in laproscopically through my abdomen and...i dunno, steal some eggs? pick some eggs? put some eggs in the basket?
this way, SHOULD the radiation do wacky things to my cervix or any other part of my reproductive system, i'll still have the option of having my own kids.
and my mom and dad can have some grandsicles.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Update-arooni
so, i had my colposcopy a week ago and today is the first time i've felt i could sit and write about it. my wife colleen picked me up from my house at 8am, and we dashed on over to the planned parenthood. we shared a good laugh along the way, as a punked out young man in scrubs pulled up alongside us blasting carrie underwood's "before he cheats." he was then treated to the "wtf?!" stare from us, as well as a ginormous round of laughter resulting in snorting, more laughter, tears, and him getting really angry and zooming away to enjoy his underwood in peace.
we get to the planned parenthood, and because we're early, we catch up in the car a bit before we head in. once inside, they hand me paperwork to fill out. one is a form entitled, "request for surgery."
i would just like it noted that it wasn't ME who requested it.
i was called back fairly quickly (as opposed to my usual 1 hour + wait time.) and they brought me into an exam room. please note that during this procedure, there were several Moments of Escape Fantasies.
as i entered the room, i was greeted with Moment 1. The examining table had the oddest stirrups i had ever seen, and a snaking light attached to it. they were mining deep today, fellas.
i was told i could keep my top on, which was, for some odd reason, rather comforting. i sat there with my little paper hula skirt and stared at all the instruments they had. Moments Number 2-5, my friends.
the doctor came in and started discussing my chart with me, and i almost lost it right there because it was the same doctor who had administered the roughest pap smear i had ever had just a couple of weeks ago. she explained the procedure and had me lay down on the table. turns out, those weird stirrups aren't stirrups, they're leg slingers. you put your knees over them. and they hold your hips in a really awkward position.
they started trying out different sizes of speculums. mass discomfort ensued. when they finally found one that would allow the best view for the microscope (and let me just say, i didn't think they made them that big!) she had to really shove to get it in place. i cried out, and was told i was making a fuss. oh-kay...
so then i start cramping pretty good. she sprays me with a "vinegar/iodine-like solution" and i start to go apeshit. this stuff BURNS. and it caused my cervix to close up and try to run away into my uterus. i shifted, and The Butcher told me to stop shifting. i told her i would try, but she kept moving the speculum up higher or rotating it for a better view. she started scraping, and i started to cry. she got really skeptical and started asking me if things really hurt so bad, and if so, WHERE could it be hurting?
...
yeah.
i tried to stay as still as possible, but then it was time for the biopsies. this giant tool that looked like a dinosaur relative of needle nose pliers went in, and i began to shake and asked for a container to puke in. i was told i was not allowed to puke in this exam room.
....
uh huh.
at this point,i'll admit i was almost TRYING to puke just to give this lady something to actually bitch about. i was being a fairly good patient, but i was in a lot of pain and it was causing me to cry, sweat, shake, flinch, and gag. she asked, exasperated, "do you even WANT me to do this?!"
...let me think. do i actually want you to force things up my hoo-ha? did i even order this surgery? NO, BITCH. i don't believe i do.
at this point, the medical assistant jumped in, trying to soothe me the only way she knew how. "you should only feel some pressure..."
the doctor rolled her eyes. "this is ridiculous." she said. "let's just get this done." and she went at my cervix the way most men go after a good steak dinner.
she called out numbers. "2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 12." i felt some pressure and release, in addition to the pain, like someone was hole-punching my cervix.
"we're done now. you can stop." said the butcher.
she removed the speculum sloooooowwwwwly. (i just wanted to rip it out.)
then, this maniacal butcher lady pretended to be nice and caring while she explained that i'd need to come back in two weeks, and not to worry, no exams then. she left, and i got dressed and approached the counter. a worker who had been fixing something in the hallway said he'd heard me crying, and did i need help out to my car?
it was sweet, but i just wanted to get the heck out of dodge.
i got my work excuse, and talked my wife (riding on a waaaave of adrenaline!) into taking me to work so i could pick my check up. we got there, and i casually told everyone i saw that i had cervical cancer. they were surprised that i was up and about, and i was just adrenalined out, happy not to have anything in my hoo-ha for a while.
the healing has been slow, i still feel some pain and my hips hurt from the weird stirrupy things. the constant cramping has made me feel nauseous most days, so i've become a tea and rice junkie.
i've also been sleeping a lot, and going to bed early, and small things wear me out pretty fast. i'm not allowed to lift much, so if i go shopping, i have to go with someone. other than that, it's business as usual and i'm back to work. blah. ;p
we get to the planned parenthood, and because we're early, we catch up in the car a bit before we head in. once inside, they hand me paperwork to fill out. one is a form entitled, "request for surgery."
i would just like it noted that it wasn't ME who requested it.
i was called back fairly quickly (as opposed to my usual 1 hour + wait time.) and they brought me into an exam room. please note that during this procedure, there were several Moments of Escape Fantasies.
as i entered the room, i was greeted with Moment 1. The examining table had the oddest stirrups i had ever seen, and a snaking light attached to it. they were mining deep today, fellas.
i was told i could keep my top on, which was, for some odd reason, rather comforting. i sat there with my little paper hula skirt and stared at all the instruments they had. Moments Number 2-5, my friends.
the doctor came in and started discussing my chart with me, and i almost lost it right there because it was the same doctor who had administered the roughest pap smear i had ever had just a couple of weeks ago. she explained the procedure and had me lay down on the table. turns out, those weird stirrups aren't stirrups, they're leg slingers. you put your knees over them. and they hold your hips in a really awkward position.
they started trying out different sizes of speculums. mass discomfort ensued. when they finally found one that would allow the best view for the microscope (and let me just say, i didn't think they made them that big!) she had to really shove to get it in place. i cried out, and was told i was making a fuss. oh-kay...
so then i start cramping pretty good. she sprays me with a "vinegar/iodine-like solution" and i start to go apeshit. this stuff BURNS. and it caused my cervix to close up and try to run away into my uterus. i shifted, and The Butcher told me to stop shifting. i told her i would try, but she kept moving the speculum up higher or rotating it for a better view. she started scraping, and i started to cry. she got really skeptical and started asking me if things really hurt so bad, and if so, WHERE could it be hurting?
...
yeah.
i tried to stay as still as possible, but then it was time for the biopsies. this giant tool that looked like a dinosaur relative of needle nose pliers went in, and i began to shake and asked for a container to puke in. i was told i was not allowed to puke in this exam room.
....
uh huh.
at this point,i'll admit i was almost TRYING to puke just to give this lady something to actually bitch about. i was being a fairly good patient, but i was in a lot of pain and it was causing me to cry, sweat, shake, flinch, and gag. she asked, exasperated, "do you even WANT me to do this?!"
...let me think. do i actually want you to force things up my hoo-ha? did i even order this surgery? NO, BITCH. i don't believe i do.
at this point, the medical assistant jumped in, trying to soothe me the only way she knew how. "you should only feel some pressure..."
the doctor rolled her eyes. "this is ridiculous." she said. "let's just get this done." and she went at my cervix the way most men go after a good steak dinner.
she called out numbers. "2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 12." i felt some pressure and release, in addition to the pain, like someone was hole-punching my cervix.
"we're done now. you can stop." said the butcher.
she removed the speculum sloooooowwwwwly. (i just wanted to rip it out.)
then, this maniacal butcher lady pretended to be nice and caring while she explained that i'd need to come back in two weeks, and not to worry, no exams then. she left, and i got dressed and approached the counter. a worker who had been fixing something in the hallway said he'd heard me crying, and did i need help out to my car?
it was sweet, but i just wanted to get the heck out of dodge.
i got my work excuse, and talked my wife (riding on a waaaave of adrenaline!) into taking me to work so i could pick my check up. we got there, and i casually told everyone i saw that i had cervical cancer. they were surprised that i was up and about, and i was just adrenalined out, happy not to have anything in my hoo-ha for a while.
the healing has been slow, i still feel some pain and my hips hurt from the weird stirrupy things. the constant cramping has made me feel nauseous most days, so i've become a tea and rice junkie.
i've also been sleeping a lot, and going to bed early, and small things wear me out pretty fast. i'm not allowed to lift much, so if i go shopping, i have to go with someone. other than that, it's business as usual and i'm back to work. blah. ;p
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Coming Out of the Cancer Closet
there's no great way to announce this, so i'm gonna go this route:
ding dang, y'all, i've got the hoo-ha cancer.
i've been diagnosed with stage 0 cervical cancer, and had a conization on monday and am not looking forward to a follow up colposcopy on friday. my wife is going with me, and i am tired of people sticking things in my cooter.
i possibly may have to have radiation, but i won't know anything until approximately 2 weeks after the colposcopy, when i meet with the clinician to discuss my options.
keep your fingers crossed!
also, if you believe in some sort of prayer or woo woo-ism, please send some healing thoughts to the people who love and support me. i think they'll need it more than i will.
ding dang, y'all, i've got the hoo-ha cancer.
i've been diagnosed with stage 0 cervical cancer, and had a conization on monday and am not looking forward to a follow up colposcopy on friday. my wife is going with me, and i am tired of people sticking things in my cooter.
i possibly may have to have radiation, but i won't know anything until approximately 2 weeks after the colposcopy, when i meet with the clinician to discuss my options.
keep your fingers crossed!
also, if you believe in some sort of prayer or woo woo-ism, please send some healing thoughts to the people who love and support me. i think they'll need it more than i will.
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