Fun Quotes

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
~Dr. Seuss


My veins are filled, once a week with a Neapolitan carpet cleaner distilled from the Adriatic and I am as bald as an egg. However I still get around and am mean to cats. ~John Cheever, letter to Philip Roth, 10 May 1982, published in The Letters of John Cheever, 1989, concerning his cancer and its treatment


Well even before she was diagnosed with the cancer, I would have said that she was a lot tougher than me and most guys would probably say that about their wives and it's probably true in most cases.
Brett Favre (tee hee, brettfavre.)

Everyone needs to be proactive and know the various warning signs of cancer. Early detection and research to make detection easier at earlier stages, along with the treatments needs, is still a must. I salute all those winning the battle.
Dennis Franz

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton

I feel like I'm fighting a battle when I didn't start a war.
Dolly Parton

Insensitive

had my second transfusion yesterday, 2 bags of blood this time. i have one doctor who wants to put me on procrit, but the fda just came out with something saying that cancer related anemia drugs are more harm than good for a cancer patient.

i was told going into this that there would be a point where i would hit a wall. and i think i've hit it. not only physically, although i feel seasick nearly all of the time and a little over half of what i eat usually pays me back within an hour of consumption.

i'm also losing my hair, the bald patches are getting larger and it's all sort of...thinning.

if i thought i could afford a nice wig, i'd probably cut my hair and invest in one, but so far i've been able to get by with a collection of bandanas, scarves, and beanies.

the problem is, my coworkers can't seem to stop themselves from making fun of said headwear. now, i know i work at an elementary school and none of the staff really ever acts their age, but i don't appreciate being told that i look like a thug, or that dude from the simpsons, or whatever other pleasant metaphor they can dig up on a minutes notice. and they all laugh so snidely afterwards, congratulating themselves on their big joke.

the thing is, my cancer is (and has been) no secret. these people know what i'm going through. and though the fact that i'm an adult and should be able to ignore it has been brought up, it's not easy to be that thick skinned when i'm already going through so much.

i struggle with just how vain i am about my hair. i KNOW it's just hair. i KNOW it will grow back. but each time i look in the mirror and see what this disease has done to my body, i have a total "elephant man" moment and want to isolate myself.

i don't like having to cover my head whenever i go out. and it would be nice if some people could look into themselves and figure out a way to be supportive rather than insensitive.

Things That Make You Go "Ha-Ha"

How Ya Doing?

i think one of the hardest questions to answer right now is "how are you doing". there are so many responses:

cancerful!
bald!
ever see the pepto bismol commercials?


and of course, the standard answer: tired.

i am very, very tired. all the time.



i began losing hair last week, and noticed it first when i saw a sinkful of this:





thanks, i was using that. TO COVER MY HEAD WITH. this week, i lost some more and i'm left with two bald patches, both in the same spot on the opposite sides of my head:



and to top it off, this week i caught a cold from the little boogers i teach, who have been passing around this virus literally all year long amongst themselves. it makes me a little cranky because, you know, i'm supposed to be taking care of my health and all, and this really sucks. not only am i tired from radiation, i'm tired from a cold.

that's it. i'm wiping all of them down with lysol wipes.


also, i am allergic to the adhesive on band aids and medical tape. it makes for some good times:



they had ghetto-rigged an ace bandage for me, but it bugged me so much i decided just to deal with the bandaid burns. my stepmom bought me some aloe vera gel to use on it, so it's not so bad.

my dad has been really good with checking in with me to see how i'm feeling, and he's noticing things on his own. such as the fact that my appetite comes and goes, or he'll see when i'm tired and suggest i go lay down. little things that aren't pushy, but suggestive.

it's not so bad, i have this long weekend (woooooot! veterans day!) to recover from this cold and then it'll be a short week with the kiddos. then a normal weekend, then an EXTREMELY short week with the kiddos and then it's thanksgiving, followed by the festival of rahnaukkah.

because, you know, instead of one day of presents, i have eight crazy nights.

sometimes i feel really alone as i go through things, because as well meaning as people are, they can still say some hurtful things or notice things that don't make me feel too pretty ("is that a new bald spot?").

but i do have a great support system.

A List of Sorts...

things that were in my purse before radiation:

-wallet
-keys
-checkbook
-extra chapstick
-glucose tablets
-hair thingies
-big ol' pile of spare change

things that are in my purse post-radiation:

-all of the above
-pepto tablets
-tums
-band aids for the iv spot
-wee little bottle of listerine
-crystallized ginger
-peppermint teabags

i need a larger handbag...